It's big.
ALEX: Of course it's big.
(CHORAL MUSIC SWELLS)
Doesn't mean I want to get married in it.
Is that a "No" then?
_
What do you think?
I asked you. I don't mind.
Well, I don't mind either.
But... we have to make a decision about this. Cause we've gotta
choose the music, and the flowers, and cake tiers.
And my mother keeps pestering me...
Alex, I want to be your husband because I love you,
and you're amazing.
And you deserve the perfect day, it's not to please your mother.
(PHONE RINGS) Right answer.
(ED CHUCKLES)
- You answer that, I gonna get us a coffee. ALEX: - Okay.
ELLA: Hi! Alex.
Ella.
I might need to be quick.
ALEX: Okay.
I'm... I'm in Ethiopia
Ethiopia, why?
ELLA: I took a call while you were away,
and I would never, never um... normally ask
um... this of you, but you're the only person I can trust...
UNSEEN MAN: Hurry up!
_
Private acquisitions,
There's a Sabean Spoon, up for verification
Yes, yes, yes. I know it.
UNKNOWN MALE: Read!
I can't, I need my reading glasses.
(UNKNOWN MALE SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE)
ALEX: Ella!
Chop! Chop! Hurry up!
So... you need to take the Eritrea Amiri,
from Jeddah to Massawa Port,
and a driver will meet you there in 48 hours.
You bring the spoon,
and then they'll let me go.
Who? Who's they? How will I know...
ELLA: If you run into any problems, check the reference section
etag nam tros inspeculo.
- What? - Inspeculo.
ALEX: Ella!
48 hours. Come alone.
Transcribed by dcdah and bird for www.addic7ed.com
[EZRA FURMAN: "Restless Year"] (Doo-Wop Refrain)
♪ I set up camp in the center of town ♪
♪ Ready for freedom when it all comes down ♪
♪ Snapping my fingers, walking around ♪
♪ I'm a dusty jewel in the thrown-out crown ♪
♪ Got a bus pass to make my way ♪
♪ From hideout to hideout in the heat of the day ♪
♪ I got a talisman tote with the whole array ♪
♪ And when you catch my coat-tails I'll be miles away ♪
_
ALEX: Haven't even told you what it is yet. This is important to me Hooten.
No!
ALEX: Why? What's the problem?
You lost me at Massawa, its Africa’s' sphincter.
Oh, so it's a little bit grimy. Who cares?
It's never bothered you before.
Had a dice game there once, it didn't end well.
All right, okay I'll... I'll do this one on my own, um...
ALEX: Just one question before you go.
ALEX: What happens when you trigger a load sensor?
Sends an automatic alert to the security company,
the building goes into lockdown.
Okay, and what would I do to avoid that?
Just theoretically.
HOOTEN: You gotta replace the weight. Maintain the pressure on the pad.
- Wai - wai - wait. What are you up to? - Nothing.
You're stealing something.
Don’t be ridiculous. Bye.
(CROWD CHEERING)
HOOTEN: Yes, that a boy!
Whoooo!!!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Next time.
(FOLK GUITAR MUSIC) _
Thank you.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Oh!
HOOTEN: Calm down.
Was that absolutely necessary?
No.
I thought you said you weren't going to come.
HOOTEN: And miss an opportunity like this?
You're onto something.
Load sensor, little switchroo.
Come on, what do you got?
Excuse me.
HOOTEN: Oh. Oh, really?
ALEX: To be honest, I'm quite glad you're here.
HOOTEN: Is that a thank you?
ALEX: But you need to know there's no money involved.
HOOTEN: Hey, I'm not a philistine. It doesn't have to be money.
HOOTEN: It could be jewels, diamonds,
rubies never hurt anybody.
Something far more valuable than any of those.
I knew it.
It's Ella
Ella!?
ALEX: She's been taken hostage.
HOOTEN: Well that's hardcore. What do they want.
ALEX: I was meant to come alone. With this.
It's a spoon.
She's being held ransom for a spoon?
Who are these people?
ALEX: Gun wielding psychopaths.
HOOTEN: What was she doing in Massawa anyway?
ALEX: She was covering for me. I was taking a couple of days off for
wedding planning. In a way, this is my fault.
In a way? It's all your fault.
Yeah, thank you for clarifying.
You're welcome.
You from the museum?
Yes.
You were told to come alone.
I wasn't allowed to take the Sabean Spoon unless there were two of us.
It's protocol.
Show me.
ALEX: Where's my friend.
Two hours south from here.
Show me.
ALEX: Wel - well, wait.
Good. Go.
(PENSIVE MUSIC)
Hey!
I'm not going anywhere, unless he's coming with me.
At least buy me a mojito first.
Drive
In back.
There are two of them. The port security was watching, I had no choice.
You have the spoon?
FEMALE: Yes, I've seen it.
FEMALE: What do you want me to do?
Kill them.
FEMALE: That way.
ALEX: Where are we going?
FEMALE: Shortcut to highway.
FEMALE: Go left here.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(TIRES SQUEAL)
Ah!
ALEX: Hooten!
- You could have told me to hold on. - Hold on.
Watch out!
Careful, vehicle !
ALEX: she was our only way of getting to Ella.
It wasn't going to happen.
They planed on killing you the minute you get off that boat.
That's not very... honourable.
What'd you expect?
Right. So what do we do now?
She said it was two hours South from here.
Sent a 4x4, So it's probably...
Somewhere through these mountains and in the Ethiopian desert.
Right, right right!
Sorry!
This thing your friend is bringing,
it's worth a lot of money, yes?
- Oh yes, lots of money. - As much as he says?
Yes, absolutely, uh.
Amir!
(TENSE MUSIC)
Hey!
[Bombino: "Amidinine"]
I still don't get it.
Why kidnap somebody for a spoon? Why not just ask for money?
ALEX: Because it's one of a kind.
I mean literally, it's...
There's only two of the many artefacts from this period.
This, and a bowl.
Where is the bowl?
It was in a Tewahedo monastry in Axum
- but it was reported stolen. - By these guys?
They must have been.
The two pieces may well be linked, That's something Ella was looking into.
So if they're linked, then they're valuable, right?
Anything from Ancient Sabah
is automatically valuable because it's linked to the Queen of Saba.
Saba!?
You may know her as the Queen of Sheba.
HOOTEN: The Queen of Sheba? I thought that was a myth!
ALEX: Says who?
There's just as much evidence of the Queen of Sheba as there is
for King Solomon, but no one questions his existence!
So... What? Ella's been abducted by feminists?
The bottom line is, they want the spoon.
I don't even care why, I just want to find Ella.
Hey! What are you saying!
I told you, speak English!
And you. And you.
English.
(MUMBLES IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)
Your driver,
he should kill the British.
Why is she not back?
She will be here.
Hey.
Okay.
She wil be here.
She will be here.
HOOTEN: There's gotta be a way to do this.
And they called you from Ella's cell phone, right?
Why can't we just call her back?
No, I've been trying ever since they called me. Nothing.
- No, stop! Stop! - What?
Stop the car!
Well, that wasn't on the map.
Okay, this is fine.
My mother always says that if the day starts badly then it can only get better.
Well, amen to your hot mum.
(MOTORCYCLE IN THE DISTANCE)
Can you hear something?
She doesn't look very happy.
Oh, shit.
(ROARS)
- ALEX: No! - (SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS IN DISTANCE)
Tuck and roll! Tuck and...
Aw.
(GUN'S NOISE)
This isn't telling me anything. We need to get moving.
Even know which direction we're going.
Well, the sun's...
heading that way, so that would be North.
Ehm...
We gotta go South.
- -ish? - -ish.
Well, that's not an exact science.
What can be, ever is?
Well, so much for mummy's days-getting-better theory.
Now, what?
- ALEX: We have to get to Ella. - (WATER DRIPPING)
We walk.
That one... did come with a handbrake though.
HOOTEN: Did Ella say anything else? Any idea where they were...
- ... holding her? - ALEX: No.
HOOTEN: Come on, you said she was smart.
ALEX: She said I should meet someone at the port,
and if I ran into any trouble, that I should check the reference section.
She said "etag nam tros inspeculo".
What does that mean?
"Inspeculum" is latin for mirror but the rest of it is nonsense.
But I did look it up, obiously, but it's...
I couldn't translate it.
Well maybe you spelled it wrong.
All right, humour me.
"E"...
"tag...
Wait, hold on.
HOOTEN: What?
All right, we can kiss one time, and that's it.
- Otherwise I'm going to tell Ed. - Hooten.
ALEX: "Inspeculum" means "mirror".
Write it backwards!
Sort... man...
Gate, "sort man gate", what does that mean?
I hope that's a rhetorical question, cause why the hell would I know?
Going to call the museum.
(PHONE RINGS)
(BEEP)
Yeah.
Clive?
The shoes, Alex.
Your pin was the last on the keypad. You can't just take things!
There is a code of practice that every single one of us
- is answerable to. - Yeah. It's Ella.
Ella's on a field study.
Yes, I know she is. She's in trouble.
Why? What happened?
I don't have time to explain any of that now,
you're just gonna have to take my word for it. Okay? Please!
What do you need?
HOOTEN: On it.
- CLIVE: Alex? - ALEX: Just a second.
I need some of that museum money.
- CLIVE: Alex? - ALEX: One minute. Hold on, Clive.
I want change.
ALEX: Ehm...
Can you look up... um,
"sort man gate"?
I need to know how to get there by jeep,
er, and if it has any connection to the Queen of Sheba.
(RELAXING DRUM MUSIC)
HOOTEN: Hey fellas.
(KEYBOARD TAPPING NOISE)
Did you mean: "short man gates"?
ALEX: Why? What is it saying?
"Short man gates"
is an Ethopian desert monument.
Its central stone faces directly north,
while its surrounding cairns mark distinct pathways to
Ethiopia's ancient cities.
Due to its distincly Solomonic style,
it's believed to have been built by
the Queen of Sheba.
Where is it? The monument?
I need directions from Massawa.
Well... Looks like a couple of hours South-East
of Massawa...
Ten miles from the top most point of the Danakil depression,
144 kilometers East of Adigrat.
ALEX: Yeah. Got it.
HOOTEN: All right, we're good to go.
Did you get the jeep?
Um, they wouldn't part with it. It's a family vehicle, so I got
Pam and Tracy!
(DROMEDARY GROWLS)
3000 dollars, I gave you.
Jack sold Milky White,
for three magic beans.
And he got a bean stalk.
Yeah, we could eat a bean's stalk.
We can eat Tracy.
The Queen of Sheba took this exact route to cross the Red Sea.
To Israel.
She was searching for this...
great king of the East, King Solomon.
Who was chosen by god.
and then she... tested him with hundreds of riddles.
Before she put out?
She was interested in his mind, actually.
I hate that in a woman.
Anyway, by God's good Grace, he
answered all of her riddles correctly.
And then she put out?
Then he fell madly in love.
You got any better stories?
So, what is the deal with this... large spoon?
Nobody knows. But it...
has this ancient Hebrew measurments carved into the handle
What, so it's like a ruler?
No, just like a spoon.
Anyway, it's besides the point. The units can mean anything,
It's the... poetic inscriptions. It's actually really fascinating.
It roughly transcibes:
"Until the day spreads and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain and heights of incense."
That's biblical.
You know it?
The Song of Songs.
My lover thrusts his hand into the latch opening.
I opened for him and my fingers drip with perfume."
That is... genuinely impressive.
Well you're looking at a guy who spent two and a half years in a convent.
The Song of Songs is ecclesiasical porn.
Nights were very long.
That is depraved.
You're telling me.
Hooten, look!
Keep your head down.
Do you see the stones?
That's short man gate.
HOOTEN: I'm not liking the look of that welcoming comitee.
ALEX: She's in there, I know it.
How do we get her out?
Where is Tracy?
Who?
The...camel.
Oh, shit.
HOOTEN: Tracy!
- CAMEL: MAKES NOISE. - HOOTEN: Tracy! Get...!
(WHISPERS) Tracy!
Tracy!
(PHONE RINGING)
(LOUDER)
MAN: Hold on, it's ringing.
ED: Alex. Hi!
(WHISPERS) It's really... not a very good time.
Denise was expecting both of us to be here.
ALEX (WHISPERING): Ed, can I please call you back?
Should I just cancel?
No. No,no,no,no, don't cancel. We'll never get it ready in time. Um...
Ok. Shall I just pick one
from the catalogue?
Er, was it the Tahitian Vanilla Spring?
You know, I can't... It's fine, fine, fine, just... put on.
She'll speak to you.
- Hello. - Hi, Denise,
Um... Okay, so it's the, um...
the three-tiered ivory pastillage,
um, with the...
white chocolate raspberry base.
And then I do just need... um, some vegan options
for the... top (GUN NOISE) um, tier.
DENISE: Lady Lindo-Parker?
She's gone.
(INDICTINCT VOICES)
Sit!
Sit. Come on, sit!
I'm not done with you.
(WHISPERS) Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Don't you get lippy with me!
("GRUMBLES")
My driver. Where is she?
I never saw her.
There was no one at the port, til I got there.
Then how did you find us?
ALEX: I didn't.
I was just... in the desert. I was lost.
He found me.
Mmh.
I wanna see my friend first.
Tss.
Ah, beautiful.
Is that it?
You said it was gold.
I said it would lead to gold.
Did I not?
The other woman will make sense of this.
And she will lead us
to the treasure. Huh?
We have no fuel!
We have enough.
The water is filthy.
We haven't eaten in days!
- He says he would give us gold, - (MEN APPROVING)
- and he shows us this! - (YELLS) Who...
(YELLS) ... is in charge here?
Would anyone like to sit where I am sitting?
Huh?
(LOUDER) Huh?
Amir. Take a seat.
No, boss.
(WORD IN NATIVE LANGUAGE) Sit!
Take her to the other woman.
Everyone, out!
Do that again and I'll slit your throat.
CHIEF YELLS: Out!
Ella!
What are you doing here?
It's me, it's Alex.
For christ's sake, I know your name, I haven't been lobotomised.
(VERY LOW) Where are they?
Who?
(WHISPERS) The marines, MI6, Interpol. Where are they ?
He told me to come alone.
But you didn't actually... come alone?
Did you?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I took a call from your desk.
She sais she was an archeologist.
Which archeologist?
I don't know. She does- she sounded Eastern European.
Five foot ten, gold teeth?
- Yes, that's her. - You are joking!
What on earth made you think she was a genuine archeologist?
I don't know I'm not to... judge people on their dental hygiene.
I mean, what made you think you could take on a gangster?
- Who vajazzles his own mouth. - (WITH VERY LOW VOICE) Shut up!
ELLA: She said she was studying
a Sabean cosmetic bowl, that she had on loan
for a religious order, and she wanted the spoon for research.
So you just came out here, to investigate it.
What the hell were you thinking?!
Well, just to check that it was genuine first.
I mean, that's what you do. Isn't it?
Well, is it genuine?
Yes! Yeah. And they think
that if you put them both together,
then it will lead you to the lost treasure of the Queen of Sheba.
Yes, supposedly, there's no evidence to support
that notion, is it? It's a myth, at best
Yes, but what if it isn't?
I mean, we have the only surviving relics.
From her entire reign.
You know, what if it does lead to something bigger.
The final riddle
of the Queen of Sheba.
I am not like these men.
Mm-mm.
I'm not a thief.
or a gun, for hire.
They are pigs.
With no loyalty.
Or a sense of anything greater than themselves.
I...
am a man
of vision.
A man who sees the past
is the architect
of his own future.
(MUG IS PUT DOWN)
Legend has it,
that the great Saba left treasure for our people in the desert.
She carved a map
into the bowl and spoon from which she was served her final meal.
You do know that's just a myth?
It's a myth to people like you,
who need to see with their own eyes before they believe.
Because you... have
no heart.
No faith in anything.
I know it is real, and that is enough.
Now,
you will solve the final riddle
of the great Saba.
But, if we can't?
(GUNS' NOISES)
Remind me.
That's from Song of Songs.
ALEX: "When...
"the day spreads and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain and heights of incense."
ELLA: We got to work out
why these two things relate.
What makes them inseparable.
Twist them.
- Oh. - [GASPS]
- And... yeah. - Yeah.
Bingo.
So the sun... above.
- Short man gate. - Yes! These represent the stones!
That's what brought them here.
Okay.
If you want us to solve this, then
we need to go outside and look at the stones.
[CAMEL GRUNTS]
[FAINT SCREAM]
ALEX: I've said that this
was the North facing stone.
And then that these stones
corresponded to... halfways...
to ancient cities. But... it could be something else.
Yeah... (SIGHS)
ELLA: Sundial.
Stonehenge.
Yeah.
But how does it relate to this?
"Until the day spreads and the shadows flee."
- That suggests summertime. - Yeah.
ELLA: In ancient Saba, the summer solstice is
a festival of fertility and abundance...
We need to recreate the sunrise at solstice.
A stone.
(UNINTELLIGIBLE WORDS)
This is Hebrew as well.
"Mil, mil."
Mil. Er, it's a talmudic measurment.
It's just short for metric mile.
Mile. Two miles. In which direction?
So that is where
the sun will be during the solstice.
(YELLS)
(ENGINE WON'T START)
(CAMEL GRUNTS)
(TAKE A DEEP BREATH)
- It'll be all right, I promise. - Yeah.
I'm sure you've... seen worse.
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
MAN: Shut up!
Amir!
What use are you? Can't you even keep a woman quiet.
Tss! Give me that!
No!
Fine! Fine, fine.
(LAUGHS; MEN LAUGH)
Everyone! Out!
Move! Move!
This is two miles.
Move!
All right, Tracy.
Show me what you've got.
Yah!
Go, go, go, go! Come on!
Yah! Yah!
- Where? - I don't know where.
Where is it?
You said, two miles!
ALEX: Up here.
(MEN SHOUT)
(MAJESTIC MUSIC)
Hey, you. Deeper. Deeper.
It's here, somewhere.
The lost treasure of Saba.
Deeper.
And you. Deeper.
Why did Sheba bring us here?
You do realise, they're likely to kill us
if there's no treasure.
Well, there must be!
It's pretty unlikely
the spoon will lead us to this... exact spot,
nothing for miles, and then
thiese Boswellia trees.
ELLA: Boswellia?
- (SIGHS) - Frankincense.
The rarest commodity of the ancient world.
- An absolute fortune. - Yeah.
Frankincense would have been
refined with essencial oils in bowls just like this.
I mean, would this... would this have been enough trees
to create Sheba's treasure?
What about hundreds?
Thousands.
(MAJESTIC MUSIC)
There's nothing here!
Hey!
There's nothing here!
- He lied to you. - Shhh!
There's no gold here.
Liar! Shut your mouth!
The lost treasure isn't gold. It was Frankincense
that was farmed from these trees.
- Is this true? - ALEX: Yeah! Undoubtedly!
You could have maybe
made some cash from selling up the trees,but
- They've been dead now... - Shut up!
(ALL SPEAK IN NATIVE LANGUAGE)
This isn't going to end well, is it?
Don't know.
ELLA: This gonna be quick. Uh, it's gonna be quick, it's gonna be quick.
Where's the cavalerie when you need it?
(CAMEL GRUNTS)
HOOTEN: Whose bright idea was it to ride a camel?
May his balls rest in peace.
I begin to sense a pattern here, me, saving your ass...
I was perfectly fine on my own, actually.
Is that right?
And then you- you didn't save us,
- your camel came over and saved us. - Ok, what about all the other times?
and they were already pointing their guns at each other anyway, so...
- Just do it. - Do what?
Say thank you.
I'm perfectly capable of saying thank you when it's merited.
- Merited? - Yeah.
Let's face it, you'd have been dead at that port if I hadn't shown up.
You only showed up because you thought there was money involved.
No, there isn't any money involved.
Great.
All right, let's take this... truck.
Oh, no, they, um... there's no petrol left.
Well, not enough.
(CAMEL GRUNTS)
Well, we'll take the camels.
Okay.
Well, I'm not going to get them, I went last time,
and that's what got you in this mess to begin with.
You leave me on my own,
to be captured by these... mentalists and somehow that's my fault?
- Yes. - (SCOFFS) Oh, pardon me.
- Apology accepted. - I wasn't... !
(CAMEL GRUNTS FAINTLY)
She so has the hots for me.
- It's unresolved sexual tension ? - Exactly.
Um, they took her engagment ring.
ALEX: Pamela! Tracy!
Tracy, don't ignore me!
Don't move...
You realise this is a girl's ring, right?
Lady Alexandra
Diana Elizabeth...
Sarah Jessica Lindo-Parker,
- would you do me the honour of... - Ahaa.
Well, is that a "yes"?
Come on! That's a little funny.
She's laughing.
No, not laughing. Smirking.
Important distinction.
Two camels, three people...
(CAMEL GRUNTS)
HOOTEN: This is cosy.
You smell so...
manly.
The find was incredible. Wasn't it?
I mean, the riddle was inspired.
Real intellectual sparing.
All that money and power, and all she cared about was his mind.
That's romantic.
No wonder Solomon fell for her.
I'm going to talk to Ed. We don't need Saint Paul's.
We can get married in a...
telephone box for all I car.
With or without bloody cake.
Oh. That's sweet.
So riddles turn you on, seriously?
Get this woman a Rubik's cube, she's filthy.
Ah, joy! Only another hundred miles to go!
[WRAYGUNN: "Don't you know"]
♪
HOOTEN: Can I drive soon?
What?
Well, everyone knows, women can't drive.
I don't think a camel's any different.
Rude and sexist!
It's not sexist, it's an established fact!
Established by who?
I don't know, I read it somewhere.
Nuts magazine.
- So you saw it, too? - Oh, shush.
HOOTEN: Bet you can't park it.
HOOTEN: - You've seen it. HERCULES: -The Broken Heart.
HOOTEN: Alex, it's me. You need to get to Moscow, now!
HOOTEN: It exists.
Tell us who HE IS.
ELLA: The Broken Heart is fake, and you are wrong.
Where is my daughter?
LADY LINDO-PARKER: Is she with that man?
You took your time.
HOOTEN: They are going to run us off the road!
VALERIA: - Alexandra. - Valeria.
ALEX: You have got some serious issues!
Why did you just do that?!
If you take it, you and everyone you love will be in danger.
[EZRA FURMAN: "Restless Year"]
♪ I set up camp in the center of town ♪
♪ Ready for freedom when it all comes down ♪
♪ Snapping my fingers, walking around ♪
♪ I'm a dusty jewel in the thrown-out crown ♪
♪ Got a bus pass to make my way ♪
♪ From hideout to hideout in the heat of the day ♪
♪ I got a talisman tote with the whole array ♪
♪ And when you catch my coat-tails I'll be miles away ♪
~ Transcribed and proofread by the Hoody team www.addi7ed.com ~